i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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