my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
