It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We are two peas in an std pod
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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