Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
