ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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