I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize