his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh god it's open bar.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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