haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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