I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
