You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
