I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
