Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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