forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
