Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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