I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
