Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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