I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We need to get me chipped asap
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
