He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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