I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
