the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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