apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
