Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
