Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize