If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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