My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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