Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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