When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We left an ass print on the piano.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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