I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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