Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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