Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
