i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
