He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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