hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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