Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
