its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
