Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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