Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
