please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize