I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
