Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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