Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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