First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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