you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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