They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
