no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
