you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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