awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
