Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
