There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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