ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize