Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
