The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
