you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
