i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
