I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
