dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
