Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
