I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
