I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
