There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
