there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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