Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
