Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
