I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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