dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
