I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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