I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize